Epilepsy Ontario :: Don't let the Bully get You

Don't let the bully get you

The Hospital for Sick Children

When you ask your kids about their day at school, chances are you'll get a non-committal shrug and a mumbled, "Okay." And sometimes, this can be a telltale sign that everything at school isn't okay.

Being bullied is nothing new - but girls who are bullies is. In the past two years, there have been three high-profile tragic cases of victims bullied by female classmates. We live in a culture of aggression that is gaining momentum with girls. It's priming girls to be bullies. Just take a look at Charlie's Angels, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider or even Survivor, where a woman can win through bullying and manipulation. The message seems to be either you're the bully or the victim.

Easy targets are children with noticeable differences, which can be anything from skin colour to accents to speech impediments.

If the teasing is taken at heart, it's bound to be hurtful. The pain of being bullied can cause kids to become withdrawn or bullies themselves.

The biggest mistake parents can make is to tell their kids to just ignore bullies.

Here are some tips for parents:

Talk about it and help build your child's confidence.
Encourage your child to take self-defence courses. Despite what most people think, self-defence courses won't make your child violent. Instead, they'll help build self-discipline and confidence.
Avoid overprotecting them. Teach them skills that'll help them stand on their own.
Be good role models for your child in terms of dealing with conflict. Kids learn from what they see.

Here are some tips for kids to deal with bullying:

Act confident - that's half the battle.
Think of some funny comebacks. You can get your friends and family to help you think of good comebacks ahead of time.
Stay calm and don't show that you're upset or angry because bullies want to get a reaction.
Don't fight back because you could either get hurt, make things worse, or even get blamed for starting the fight.
Avoid being alone. There's safety in numbers.
Don't be afraid to tell an adult what's going on - they might be able to help.

Teasing and bullying are different and it's important that kids realize this. Teasing, while irritating and annoying, is only minor and done in fun. But that doesn't mean teasing can't end up being hurtful.

Bullying, on the other hand, is purposefully hurtful. This cruelty towards others can be anything from making fun of someone, stealing from them, or pushing and hitting them.

Recomended readings:
"Kids4Kids: Beat the Bully" by Scott Graham
"Don't Pick on Me" by Rosemary Stones
"Good Friends are Hard to Find" by Fred Frankel
"All Shapes and Sizes" by Miriam Kaufman

This article was originally published in The Hospital for Sick Children "Kids' Health", Volume 3 issue 3, Fall 2002.