Digging for Gold - An Exploration of Strengths
Janice Mulligan
There is often a tendency to focus on "problems" when working with children who experience seizures – problems with seizure control, difficulties with side effects of medication, concerns about safety, trouble with academic performance, worries about friendships, to name just a few. It is true that seizures can be problematic in a child's life to varying degrees. At the same time, seizures represent only one aspect of a child's life. This is an important point and has already been noted in the December 1999 issue of
Sharing, where the distinction was made between the use of the label "epileptic" and the description "person with epilepsy", as seizures should not define the person.
It is a slippery slope when a child is no longer seen as whole but instead is viewed and defined by the seizures s/he experiences. To be seen as a composite of deficits has a tremendous impact on a child's feelings of self worth and ability. One thing for certain is that when we look for problems, we find problems. It is true that when working with children with seizures, a comprehensive understanding is important. More importantly, however, is an understanding that encompasses both areas of strengths as well as challenges. After all, acknowledgment of strengths can assist children to build on those strengths and to do more of what is already working for them.
My work with children with epilepsy over the past ten years has helped me to put seizures in their place and, as a result, to be able to also see the gifts that children possess in spite of their seizures. The children have been my best teachers. Many have forced me (or shall I say, strongly persuaded me) to view them in their entirety. The majority of children with whom I have worked, when given an opportunity to tell their stories, have shared not problem-saturated stories but instead stories of strength and humour, with an emphasis on overcoming adversity, managing awkward situations and conquering fear. I would like to share some snippets of their stories of resilience.
Nuggets of StrengthGiven that many children with epilepsy have been viewed in terms of their deficits, it is sometimes a challenge to help them to recognize their existing strengths. I liken this work at times to an archeological find, unearthing existing strengths and resources which had been either pushed aside, unrecognized, or simply not encouraged to grow.
One boy said to me during our conversations that there was a layer of rock or clay or even concrete that he needed to break through in order to reach the "nuggets". When asked to describe what he meant by nuggets, he replied by talking about the various responses he would have ready in order to stand up to the teasing at his school. Each response represented a different nugget. If he could reach those nuggets, he would be more prepared to manage the teasing and able to attend school more often. He was quite clear that our conversations simply enabled him to create the tools which helped him to unearth the already existing nuggets/abilities.
The power in such a statement comes from his recognition that the strength which he needed to tackle a situation came from within and that, once he was able to develop his tool kit, he could access any one of his nuggets of strength.
Red Ball of Power
Sometimes, children who experience seizures may experience quite intense feelings of fear. A young girl who came into my office proceeded to tell me about "me and my seizures". She described in detail quite scary feelings associated with her seizures which included monsters and a "freezing" of her body which immobilized her. As she continued to tell her story, I was curious about how she appeared to be coping as well as she was, given the intensely terrifying feelings she described. From this question, a new piece of information about her coping abilities was uncovered: it was known as the "red ball of power". This ball was described as existing "just inside my belly button and [it] protects me and gives me strength". Not only did she feel that this red ball helped her to chase away some of her seizures (i.e. control some of them), it also provided her with a strength to handle, respond to and problem solve her feelings of fear.
So a simple shift in focus from asking questions such as "tell me more about the fear" to questions such as "tell me how you have been able to cope" unearthed an entire story of inner strength.
Personal ResourcesA young girl with a seizure disorder and learning difficulties was sent to meet with me because of behavioural difficulties she was experiencing at school. During the few conversations we shared, she told countless stories of being teased, feeling "exposed", centred out and completely out of control of her situation. She often lashed out verbally. She experienced drop seizures in response to loud noises and would often fall out of her chair many times during the day. All the people involved with her tried to find ways to support her and keep her safe. Everyone was well intentioned, but no one asked this young person what she wanted. Assumptions were made that she would not be able to make such decisions.
As I listened to this young girl's story which was permeated with feelings of embarrassment, I asked her about potential solutions to the problem. Her response could not have been more automatic. She presented a plan which would allow her to sit in the back of the room, instead of the front (where the teacher felt it was important to keep an eye on her for safety), in a chair with arms which would support her during a seizure.
And what was so special about this plan? This change would allow her to cease being the focus of attention with every seizure.
These are just some of the stories of the children with whom I have had the pleasure to work. I am hopeful that these stories will also "strongly influence" others to see children with epilepsy in their entirety – with both challenges and strengths. Solutions, strengths and personal resources exist in everyone. They surface when we create the space for them to exist.
Janice Mulligan, MSW, RSW has a private practice in Toronto and York Region.
She can be contacted at 416-728-0043.
